Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Give Peace a Chance

I was informed that I am woefully behind in my blogging. I have had a case of the spring fever. It keeps me outside for most of the day when I am not working and I collapse in to bed at night with a head full of pollen.
I actually have written a lot. I am either writing in a journal by hand or I have several unfinished drafts that I never bothered to complete. My Gemini self has reared it's head. I tend to start things and not finish. *sigh* Let's see how far I get today...

The one good thing is work at the salon has been the busiest ever. There may be a recession but for us we have been raking in more cash than ever. My theory is this: people are stressed about their jobs, therefore, want to look good. It's the American way. It's not how you feel but how you look that is important. 24 years of cutting hair made me come to that conclusion. The other factor is that the over-priced salons in Center City and The Main Line. Clients won't stop getting their hair done but they will stop paying exuberant amounts of money for a service they can get elsewhere, for less. That's us. We are just off the Main Line so our prices reflect that. Suddenly I have found myself booked 6 weeks in advance! That is a huge boost to my wallet and my ego. I have managed to book record high totals and I am turning clients away to the other girls. For the first time I am coming out a bit ahead at the end of the month. My bills are being paid on time, I am able to maintain my car and I still have a bit to play with for the horses.
The downside of this is the long hours have taken their toll. Long hours of standing with raised arms has left me both physically and mentally drained. After a long thought out processing of what would be best, I gave up my massage business almost entirely. I have a couple of long-standing clients that I chose to keep but have let everyone else go. The plus side of this is that my neighbor and good friend finally took the Equissage course at my urging. She is a Native American Shaman so it fits in perfect for the type of service I provided. I did so much with Reiki and Therapeutic Touch along with Perelandra Flower Essences. She was the perfect person to pass the torch to. My clients took the transition pretty well which made me feel better. The ones who are more clinical and not wanting the energy work I refer to a girl who is...well... clinical.

It was a really hard decision because I love my work with the horses but after 16 years I have to concede that it is better to keep a few and do better work than to spread myself thin. The end result was not fair to the horse if I am too exhausted to put out the energy needed.

I took a little time off at the salon to work The Devon Horse Show. Although I enjoyed the week of horses I have to admit I finally reached a point in my life where I accepted my pay and thought, "that wasn't worth it."

I also had to admit that I needed some down time for myself. This is the hardest for me. I found that these past years that if I have time on my hands I tend to spiral in to depression. It's hard to admit that. I did find myself lost those first few Sundays off. After taking care of Romeo and Syd I found I would have an entire day open. It was too cold and rainy to head for the beach or to ride. I found myself actually shopping in stores instead of online two o'clock in the morning. I have finally gotten comfortable going out in to crowded stores again. That was one of the residual effects of my PTSD. Shopping had become a nightmare of panic attacks. They have finally started to fade. Most of the time I head to Dru's and play with the rescue puppies and hang out with the volunteers. I have also found comfort in the huge two story Barnes and Noble by my house. There is something about being in a bookstore on a cold rainy day that brings peace to my over thinking brain.

It has rained just about every week in May and is raining again,today. I haven't been riding nearly as much as I would like to. The one great thing is the daylight is longer this time of year. I love that more than anything.Rain or no rain. Light is good.

No signs of Prick since his release. We did have an incident last Friday with his brother at my salon. He tried to come in and talk to me about his brother. My boss blocked him and told him to leave. John put up an fight and the police ended up coming.
I am not sure what John could possibly want to talk to me about. The two of them were estranged as far as I know. Prick's brother was never my favorite person even before the break up. I just can't take that chance of Prick using him as a third party contact. I filed a report with the police to let them know of a possible parole and PFA violation. It was upsetting and embarrassing to have the police come to my work. The only thing I can say is that it passed quickly and life moves on. I am finally getting comfortable with the fact that I always have one ear and eye cocked behind me. I have to say I was relieved to see how proactive my boss was. He finally had the locks at the salon changed so that we can now lock the door from the inside. That was my pet peeve working at night. Not just because of Prick. Our shampoo girl is in there by herself early in the morning. No one should be in there by themselves without a locked door.

So, that's about it for May. Life is coasting along. I appreciate all of the beautiful thoughts and prayers after my last blog. They really helped in my moving forward. It's been a long road since that August. I have had to rethink my stance on forgiveness. I can go on and live life and try to regain my inner peace. It doesn't mean I am less of an enlightened person if I find someone's cruelty unforgivable.I can still find peace elsewhere in my head. There is obviously a lot of room in there for different compartments. I can't say I am 100% happy but who really is? Part of life and the learning process is coming to peace with that. I am finally finding peace with the fact that things are what they are. I can go on and live life in spite of them. I still have more rooms in my head to discover. I just hope they are not filled with scary balloon-carrying, clowns.