Songs Of Peace

Now that I slept off another migraine I need to get back to happier things. Like the beach. This past weekend the temperatures here in eastern Pennsylvania crept up to 99 degrees. Factor in the humidity and it was stifling. I decided that no matter how high the gas prices are rising the rising temps out ruled my eco-logic and I needed a day at the beach. I set off early at 7am. It was already feeling like a hot wet blanket with thick fog as I drove over the bridge in to New Jersey. By the time I hit Atlantic City the sun started to burn through the clouds. When I got off on the Long Beach Island exit the sun came out and there wasn't a cloud in the sky. As I drove over the causeway I started to feel lighter. It is amazing how this is the one place that guarantees lifting me up no matter how dark my mood. First I went to a small coffee shop and got a cup of tea. I sat outside for a half hour with my laptop but found myself staring out at the end of the lane towards the beach. The se...

I have to admit. I write a lot of crap. But, for my private followers I either selectively email the results and the rest of you end up reading it here. I know I could choose to have a more public following. Yet, somehow, even four years later, I feel someones personal boundaries and safety take precedence over any crap I write. That includes my rambling answers or blopping in someone Else's blog. It has been a strange few weeks since I last really wrote anything. Losing Jan has left me completely numb and in shock. Of course, I knew she was dying. She and my uncle Steve were very open about it. They were clear that I was expected to stay and keep the horses along with Steve. I think the true reality of her being gone hit me when on Tuesday my cell phone rang at work. I knew from the voice on the other end that there was a sense of confusion and panic. It was my uncle at the feed store. He didn't know if we get orchard grass or timothy hay? For a moment, I panicked. I didn...

Still one of my favorite videos, of all time. When she falls and breaks in to shards that turn to birds in flight~that is the vision I am holding on to. Rough couple weeks but I know that at least, I am not frozen where I was four years ago. Love is a bird, she needs to fly Let all the hurt inside of you die You're frozen When your heart's not open

This is actually a very old blog from my original TV.com days. I thought until recently it was bought out by CNet until a fellow editor told me I had neglected the other site so long that it was bought out by CBS. Sheesh. Where does time go? So, a lot has happened since the last blog. I wrote a lot but crying too much to hit the post button. My aunt Jan, finally passsed away. She was at home with my uncle Steve holding her hand. In this past week I lost both of my pet bunnies. Inki to old age and Grissom from a broken heart. I kinda know how he feels. I will never use the expression, "dumb bunny" ever again. I have purposely stayed at the farm and in isolation since Jan's death. Now, more than ever, thiis old blog sums up what Jan meant to me. BTW~ the "ex" in this blog is Shoe Man. He just texted me, asking if I was at the barn,yet? On my way... Time to rerun another blog. It is one of my favorite Christmas memories and I hope it helps to r...

There's Got to be a Morning After I had originally wrote this draft in August of 2008 but never posted it. So often things are too painful at the time for me to actually hit the post button. I am glad I write. It really helps a year and a half later for me to see how far I have come since writing this. Tonight is the interview with Rihanna about her assault from Chris Brown. The excerpts I have seen so far have brought up some of these memories. So, I am choosing to just post this without editing it. Sometimes it is better to see it the way it was the first time around. Once again, it is more telling that there is a huge gap since my last entry. Usually, when I am on vacation, I'll write like a crazy woman. This is the first of anything besides an email or two. I haven't even written much in my journal. Most entries start with the word exhausted. I had written before about the little house here in Ship Bottom that I am renting for the week. It is the same house that I had r...

I had originally wrote this draft in August of 2008 but never posted it. So often things are too painful at the time for me to actually hit the post button. I am glad I write. It really helps a year and a half later for me to see how far I have come since writing this. Tonight is the interview with Rihanna about her assault from Chris Brown. The excerpts I have seen so far have brought up some of these memories. So, I am choosing to just post this without editing it. Sometimes it is better to see it the way it was the first time around. Once again, it is more telling that there is a huge gap since my last entry. Usually, when I am on vacation, I'll write like a crazy woman. This is the first of anything besides an email or two. I haven't even written much in my journal. Most entries start with the word exhausted. I had written before about the little house here in Ship Bottom that I am renting for the week. It is the same house that I had rented for Prick and I, a year ago. I e...

Just another morning. I actually feel hungover. Mind you,I didn't drink last night and I even got through an entire week without Xanax. I had finally talked with my best friend last night. The minute I picked up to answer the phone she knew from the sound in my voice. No matter how many jokes or protests that everything was fine, she knew I wasn't. Once I had started, I couldn't stop. Crying,that is. It was one of those hardcore,punched in the guts,type of cries. You know the kind. Where you find yourself hunching over in agony and you can't even speak because it hurts so bad. "I miss Gwen," I finally managed to sputter out. I know that there are some people who would think that such grief over losing a horse is strange. You don't marry them,have children with them and most don't depend on their income. Losing them certainly isn't comparable to losing a human,right? Yet,here I was. Almost a year later, sobbing because I have missed her so much. I n...