Songs Of Peace

Now that I slept off another migraine I need to get back to happier things. Like the beach. This past weekend the temperatures here in eastern Pennsylvania crept up to 99 degrees. Factor in the humidity and it was stifling. I decided that no matter how high the gas prices are rising the rising temps out ruled my eco-logic and I needed a day at the beach. I set off early at 7am. It was already feeling like a hot wet blanket with thick fog as I drove over the bridge in to New Jersey. By the time I hit Atlantic City the sun started to burn through the clouds. When I got off on the Long Beach Island exit the sun came out and there wasn't a cloud in the sky. As I drove over the causeway I started to feel lighter. It is amazing how this is the one place that guarantees lifting me up no matter how dark my mood. First I went to a small coffee shop and got a cup of tea. I sat outside for a half hour with my laptop but found myself staring out at the end of the lane towards the beach. The se...

 If there is one thing I dislike most in life, it's knowing I am trapped. Trapped in a bad job, a place I live or the worst of them all~a bad relationship. Whether it's with a romantic partner or friend. If I feel smothered or forced to stay, I will run for the hills.  When my friendships started shifting I blamed heavy work schedules. As we all have gotten older our responsibilities and need for sleep seemed to cut back on socializing as much. The hardest was losing one of my longest friendships which was Mich. Of all my long-time friends, she was the only one who had a child. I'm not sure what a psychologist would make of my friends? Almost all of us chose to remain childless by choice. Were we the by-product of bad parents? Many of my childless friends have parents who are still married so we can't blame it on them.  When I met my husband, he was the human equivalent of a fairy tale creature. A unicorn in a dating world, filled with extended families and steps of s...

I have to admit. I write a lot of crap. But, for my private followers I either selectively email the results and the rest of you end up reading it here. I know I could choose to have a more public following. Yet, somehow, even four years later, I feel someones personal boundaries and safety take precedence over any crap I write. That includes my rambling answers or blopping in someone Else's blog. It has been a strange few weeks since I last really wrote anything. Losing Jan has left me completely numb and in shock. Of course, I knew she was dying. She and my uncle Steve were very open about it. They were clear that I was expected to stay and keep the horses along with Steve. I think the true reality of her being gone hit me when on Tuesday my cell phone rang at work. I knew from the voice on the other end that there was a sense of confusion and panic. It was my uncle at the feed store. He didn't know if we get orchard grass or timothy hay? For a moment, I panicked. I didn...

There's Got to be a Morning After I had originally wrote this draft in August of 2008 but never posted it. So often things are too painful at the time for me to actually hit the post button. I am glad I write. It really helps a year and a half later for me to see how far I have come since writing this. Tonight is the interview with Rihanna about her assault from Chris Brown. The excerpts I have seen so far have brought up some of these memories. So, I am choosing to just post this without editing it. Sometimes it is better to see it the way it was the first time around. Once again, it is more telling that there is a huge gap since my last entry. Usually, when I am on vacation, I'll write like a crazy woman. This is the first of anything besides an email or two. I haven't even written much in my journal. Most entries start with the word exhausted. I had written before about the little house here in Ship Bottom that I am renting for the week. It is the same house that I had r...

I had originally wrote this draft in August of 2008 but never posted it. So often things are too painful at the time for me to actually hit the post button. I am glad I write. It really helps a year and a half later for me to see how far I have come since writing this. Tonight is the interview with Rihanna about her assault from Chris Brown. The excerpts I have seen so far have brought up some of these memories. So, I am choosing to just post this without editing it. Sometimes it is better to see it the way it was the first time around. Once again, it is more telling that there is a huge gap since my last entry. Usually, when I am on vacation, I'll write like a crazy woman. This is the first of anything besides an email or two. I haven't even written much in my journal. Most entries start with the word exhausted. I had written before about the little house here in Ship Bottom that I am renting for the week. It is the same house that I had rented for Prick and I, a year ago. I e...

Sally: He just met her... She's supposed to be his transitional person, she's not supposed to be the ONE. All this time I thought he didn't want to get married. But, the truth is, he didn't want to marry me. He didn't love me. Harry: If you could take him back now, would you? Sally: No. But why didn't he want to marry me? What's the matter with me? Harry: Nothing. Sally: I'm difficult. Harry: You're challenging. Sally: I'm too structured, I'm completely closed off. Harry: But in a good way. Sally: No, no, no, I drove him away. AND, I'm gonna be forty. Harry: When? Sally: Someday. Harry: In eight years. Sally: But it's there. It's just sitting there, like some big dead end. And it's not the same for men. Charlie Chaplin had kids when he was 73. Harry: Yeah, but he was too old to pick them up. Quotes from: When Harry Met Sally This was supposed to be a healing day. Actually as crappy as I am feeling right now, it probably still...