True silence is the rest of the mind, and is to the spirit what sleep is to the body, nourishment and refreshment. ~William Penn
A funny thing about our Higher Selves. Sometimes, they need to physically give us a swift kick in our spiritual ass to see what is good for us. Somehow, I managed to end up with pneumonia. I was actually shocked when I was told this by my doctor. I went to her office solely to renew prescriptions. I did complain I was feeling more tense than usual but blamed it on too much work and not enough daylight. Stupid me, I thought she would just up my Prozac or write another prescription for Xanax. After listening to my lungs she ordered an x-ray and blood work. Both confirmed that my lungs were screaming.
Now that I have been forced in to bed rest, I have had enough time and solitude to see what I was doing for the past several months. I was working and staying out of the house in fear of being depressed. The funny thing is, now that I have been home alone for three days straight, it seems exactly the opposite happened. I regained my love of silence and solitude. I would only drag myself out of bed to feed the cats and move to the sofa where I would sit with a cup of tea and watch the birds and the falling autumn leaves fly outside my window.I never turned on my television and only occasionally checked my emails.The battery went dead on my crackberry and I am yet to charge it. Friends are actually calling my home line to check in. I would rasp out an "I'm OK" and immediately get off the phone. I just wanted quiet.
When I wasn't sleeping, I sat in bed or on the sofa, listening. What I heard for the first time in months was peaceful murmurings in my head.I would sit and look around at my surroundings. I was reminded of what I like about my home. I have surrounded myself with items and photos of things that are special to me. I forgot how much stuff I have accumulated over the years. Little finds in thrift shops or in my travels with the horse shows. Actual bits and pieces of equipment or items that just have sentimental value only to me. The vibration in my little place has started to shift.I started to feel the good energy come back from those items and feel comfort in being home.
For the first time since Prick's latest arrest, I left my storm door open for the cats to sit and watch the squirrels. Even though the door has a lock I still had not felt safe enough to not have the heavy steel door with three locks bolted when I was home alone. It was nice to sit and feel the sunlight spill in to my living room through the glass storm door and watch the cats follow the sunbeam as it moved across the hallway throughout the day.Such a small victory to some but it was huge for me. That glass door represented a lot.It was as if my Light came back all around. Even after the sun set I left it open while I sat on the sofa reading a book. My neighbors pass by while walking their dogs and I can glance outside And see that they all have their heavy steel doors open. I had forgotten that openness of my neighbors. When the weather is nice we don't feel the need to shut each other out. I was so glad to be reminded of another reason why I have chosen to stay where I am.
It took a couple of days but I think I finally felt like something has started to heal. Along with my lungs, it was my heart. It was worth that swift kick from my Higher Self.
FIRE UPDATE 12.9.17
1 month ago