Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Peace Will Come, When all the hurt is Gone

"Where you been?"
I have recently have become aware that I been asked that question a lot. My answer is always the same.
It's not a lie. I have been busy since my last posting. Busy keeping myself from descending in to that abyss of depression or worst yet~fear. I have only a couple more weeks until Prick's sentencing for stalking. That is such a weird word to write. Stalking, to me, should mean something that farm kids do. Like, deer spotting, corn husking, grass stalking. *sigh*
The entire Northeast is trapped in what seems like Hell. Heatwave, after heatwave. It makes the gnats swarm in to clouds. Even if I try and ride before daybreak, Veritas gets eaten alive by bugs. For being such a fat horse he has very thin skin. After trying to ride one especially muggy morning, he finally succeeded in cow-kicking (farm word) bugs off his belly and kicking my foot hard enough to bruise through my paddock boots in the stirrup. I declared a peace treaty with the gnats and have given up riding until I can bitch about the cold and mud.
The one thing that has taken up what was otherwise equine time, is Desmond. Australian Cattle Dogs do not like to be bored. Even he has been grumpy about the heat. I know what really makes him tick is to always keep him busy with new things. Whether it is a car ride, a new trail to walk or even hanging out at the lake and seeing new faces and other dogs. It has at least kept me physically moving in spite of the heat. We both come home at night and collapse in the comforts of central air. I keep thinking I should sign us both up for agility training or freestyle frisbee or something fun. I then walk outside and feel that hot blanket of humidity slap me and I put it off for a future goal. Meanwhile he has settled in to becoming the love of my life. It sort of crept up on me. I never expected to keep him but somehow he just stayed stuck to me. ACDs are often nicknamed "Velcro dogs" and after several months of owning Des I understand the full meaning of the term. He is quiet. He rarely barks. He never growls. Yet, wherever I go, he glides silently at my side. On the occasions he full out runs and plays with other dogs at La Mancha, he makes my heart beat faster with pure joy. He has become a normal, neurotic dog. He is still petrified of children and men, yet slept through a lightening storm that took out a tree in our development.
I have not once ventured to the New Jersey beaches. I took Dru and Tom up on their offer and went to Florida instead. I hate to admit that the one thing I love more than a horse has been tainted since Prick followed me all the way to Long Beach Island. We had a great time and it was actually cooler in the Florida Gulf than it was here in Pennsylvania.
I was happy to only encounter crystal clear waters and white sand. I saw schools of fish and dolphins leaping through the air while chasing after the tiny fish. Not one tar ball or sign of the oil disaster.
It was while I was at the beach and watching the sun set in a burning orange glow that I felt such peace. I realised that Florida was a perfect analogy of what my past couple years have felt like. That off in the distance the sky is burning with oil. A complete disaster yet here I was, enveloped with peace, wildlife, sea creatures and white sand. Peace is the direction you take to look. I know I need to eventually take back one of those places that Prick ripped out of my soul.
The sun finally sank down in to the ocean I promised myself to hold on to that thought. No matter how dismal things may seem, there are always dolphins to search for in the sea.

Hey, emailers! I have been made aware that not all song links show up through email. Since I am still a techno-dinosaur, click on the link to go to the actual blog at Blogger to reach the links that are on that page.

Sometimes I think about Saturday's child
And all about the times when we were running wild
I've been out searching for the dolphins in the sea
Ah, but sometimes I wonder, do you ever think of me

This old world will never change the way it's been
And all the ways of war won't change it back again
I've been out searchin' for the dolphin in the sea
Ah, but sometimes I wonder, do you ever think of me

This old world will never change

Lord, I'm not the one to tell this old world how to get along
I only know that peace will come when all our hate is gone
I've been a-searchin' for the dolphins in the sea
Ah, but sometimes I wonder, do you ever think of me.

Dolphins~ Fred Neil lyrics