Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Are You Gellin' ?

The helliday is barreling down fast. For once I actually don't feel too stressed about it. Work is insanely busy but the extra money has made it worthwhile. I managed to pay off all of my credit cards and the rest went to the vet for Romeo's bill and extra hay that we needed while they were stall bound.
Romeo really had a tough time last week. Although the stitches were healing well he developed laminitis in his front feet. This probably happened because he was rocking his weight forward and on to his front feet. On top of that, the massive doses of antibiotics started screwing with his whole system. He developed an abscess in his right front hoof. What makes it trickier is that it is located right beside his coffin bone. Horse people know that the adage, "no hoof, no horse" comes along the aptly named coffin bone. If this bone is compromised in any way it becomes a death sentence. Every morning I take his therapeutic wrap off and carefully clean and examine where the pinhole on the bottom of his hoof is located. I have been saying a lot of prayers as I re-wrap the hoof that could still prove to be his downfall. I did find a gel-type hoof boot that gives extra cushion. It was cute to watch him walk with his front feet encased in gel. That Dr. Scholls comercial comes to mind. Romeo~ he's gellin'.
Because of the massive doses of antibiotics we had to have an IV of fluids last week. Everything goes right through the poor boy's stomach. I found a horse equivalent of Pepto Bismol with pro-biotics and he finally started to have some solid poop. On the brighter note: the stitches came out and the wound looks great. I keep focusing on how well he healed from that. Romeo is like the cat with nine lives. He just keeps coming back.
I know I have said it before but I love our vet. He has been awesome through this and I am so grateful we found him.
Because of my insane schedule I haven't ridden 'Tas much. There are lights in the ring but I am too exhausted after standing for ten hours at work to try and ride after. I miss the younger me who never dreamed of it being too hot,too cold or worse~ too tired to ride.
I had a lesson on Sunday morning and then told Ryan I will have to wait until the new year to schedule any more lessons. Every weekend in December, something is up. He will continue to ride Veritas for me so at least he will stay in shape and in a good mind set.
So, the family comes to my crib for the helliday. Yay! I am happy. I haven't entertained in my home for awhile and this is the first holiday at my house for a couple years.
Well, I am running late so I am off to get ready for work. I hope everyone stays safe and enjoys the turkey day. Please send some White Light to Romeo.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Face It

The sun has finally returned. After almost two weeks of clouds and rain I was beginning to feel mildewed as well as depressed.
Romeo had a massive injury on Sunday. He came in for evening feed with a gaping wound and blood everywhere. He cut the back part of his upper pastern of his right hind leg. It took the vet an hour just to stitch him up. At one point the blood was spurting out like a bad cartoon. Luckily it was only skin and blood vessels. No tendons or ligaments. So, they are both stall bound for ten days and we are keeping our fingers crossed that there is no infection or tearing of the stitches.
I spent all day yesterday driving around looking for pelleted horse bedding. Seems Canada is the main supplier and a lot of supply houses cut back when the gas prices were so high. Now there is a shortage. I really don't want to switch to shavings because they would stick to Romeo's bandage. I absolutely hate straw but I may have to break down and purchase some. It is so ridiculously high and Syd likes to eat straw. Personally, I love peat moss as a bedding but my aunt refuses. She just can't stand the smell.
Damned Canadians. I want my pellets back!
Saturday night my best friend had a party for her husband's 40th birthday. All of our closest friends were there. Two of my friends are going through their own bad break ups. I was sad to see my one oldest and dearest friend look so empty.
"Prozac" she told me.
Ahhhh, I know it well. That first initial flat-lining. I assured her it eventually goes away but truthfully,I am not so sure.
I think I am back to my "normal" self ~and yes, I purposely own those quotes~ but I know I am not really my same old self. For one thing,I don't freak out over everything like I used to. I rarely cry anymore and I just have absolutely zero love interest besides horses. Is that Prozac or self preservation?
My aunt kept telling me she was glad that I could stay so calm during Romeo's ordeal. I was trying to think back to all of this past year's crisis, my panic attacks out of nowhere, and my meltdowns. Does Prozac really help? I was calm with Romeo because I had to be. When it comes down to it I know what is the right thing to do and when. Prozac or not, I would of done the same thing. If I could get through euthanizing both Gwen and Merlin, what was a few stitches?
I called my doctor yesterday and asked if we could start weaning me off the Prozac? She pointed out that I was still having panic attacks. I argued that was the exact point. If I am having them anyway, why flat line everything else? Truthfully, they have lessened since Prick was sentenced. I know there is no scientific basis for this, but I really think my panic attacks are a build up of whatever got flat lined in the first place. I want to start sweating the small stuff again. Isn't it the small stuff that matters? If I don't feel the need to deal with small stuff where does it go? I mean, it's still there, whether you deal with it or not. Isn't it better to just get it over with as it happens rather than wake up one day with an explosion and a complete break down?
I know, there is no answer. I just keep thinking of my friend's expression. I am just so afraid that is what other people see on my own face.