There Can't be a Fire Unless There's a Flame
"Maybe this is my answer of what I should do?" I had actually posed this more of a statement than a question. Shoe Man and I went to dinner after he trimmed Sydney and Romeo's feet. Once again, I have found myself in a quandry and unable to come to peace with the decision I would make.
Things have been coasting along. I can't say for certain what I am feeling. An undercurrent of unease would probably sum it up best. I can't quite put a finger on it but I sense there is some implosion waiting in the wings. I just sit back and wait to see how hard it comes crashing down.I never really feel at peace knowing that whatever Prick-free time I have is only temporary. In the meantime, I keep riding Veritas as much as possible and my equine massage business has exploded. I am actually turning horses away because I don't have enough time to get them all in. I have recently encountered working with a vet from New Bolton who has given me referals all over Chester County. My ego is happy but it has put me back to working seven days a week with little free time for my own horses or friends. The only friend who seems to roll with the crazy schedule is Skinny. He makes his own hours so it is nothing for him to come meet me ten o'clock at night for dinner or a movie. Once again, are we dating? I have no clue. I am left with the feeling we missed that romantic window. We have been friends too long. I am done questioning it and I just embrace the convenience of always having a hetero person to be my date. Just about every weekend until December I have social functions that require a date. I found that Skinny will go anywhere without question... besides,"Dude, what do I need to wear?" Luckily, he dresses well without a fight about it. Another advantage? He has known me since I was 17 years old. This also means he knew every single one of my exes. Skinny can do a dead on imersonation of my ex husband that always get me in to side splitting giggles. This advantage means I never have to explain why I am so messed up as a 43 year old woman in the romance department. Part of me thinks Skinny knows all too well why he should steer clear of my romantic side. He has seen it first hand for too many years. *sigh*
So, back to Shoe Man. We had dinner yesterday and we did our usual six week "let's catch up." Recently Brit had contacted me. He found a position in a barn in Lexington, Kentucky. He had called me to offer me a job as head groom for their driving operation. On the surface it would be a dream job. It is also an opportunity to permanently get away from Prick and Pennsylvania. It would also mean giving up my life that I have worked so hard for here in PA. I would be leaving the horses and my friends. For the millionth time in my life I would wonder why I couldn't just have an easy solution to life? Fifteen years ago, I would of been moved before I could hang up the phone. My favorite saying of "it's a dollar short, a day late" tumbled out of my mouth. Shoe went on to assure me that working for Brit would be a disaster.I am too free-spirited next to his rigid British ways. Working shows for a week at a time was one thing. Full time would probably be my noose. I am grateful to hear his assurance that I made the right decision in saying no. We both agreed that Prick can stalk me anywhere. The most hateful things he has done was on the Internet. Moving to Kentucky won't protect me from that.
I came home after dinner in to my empty house. I wandered around, straightening up and dusting things off. I started to feel that black cloud descend. Just as I was contemplating going to bed the phone rang and heard the familiar voice on the other end, "Duuuude! Phillies are playing tonight. You wanna pretend you care and watch the game here, in my crib? You still have to tell me about your weekend with your brother."
I stood there with the phone at my ear. I picked up a framed picture of Brit and I riding on a coach at the Devon Horse Show 15 years ago. A lot has changed since then. Not all that bad.I still have my own horses. I still find comfort that I make a living massaging them. Maybe there is no fame or glory in it but the vets call on me to work. That is a huge step. Prick is away for at least a few more months.I can embrace 15 years ago with someone who was there to see it the first time around. "I'll be over," and I hung up the phone. Life goes on.
DON'T CRY Lyrics - SEAL
Shared via AddThis
Don't Cry
Don't be so hard on yourself.
Those tears are for someone else.
I hear your voice on the phone.
I hear you feel so alone.
My baby.
Ohh my baby.
Please my baby,
My baby,
When we were young,
And truth was paramount.
We were older then,
And we lived our life without any doubt.
Those memories,
They seem so long ago.
What's become of them? When you feel like me I want you to know.
Don't cry.
You're not alone.
Don't cry,
Tonight, my baby.
Don't cry,
You'll always be loved.
Don't cry,
Tonight.
My baby.
Today I dreamed,
Of friends I had before.
And I wonder why.
The ones who care don't call anymore.
My feelings hurt.
But you know I overcome the pain.
And I'm stronger now,
There can't be a fire unless there's a flame.
Don't cry.
You're not alone.
Don't cry,
Tonight, my baby.
Don't cry.
You'll always be loved.
Don't cry oh...
Limousines and sycophants,
Don't leave me now,
Cause I'm afraid what you've done to me.
Is now the wolf.
In my bed,
In my head.
In my head.
In my head.
The challenges, we took were hard enough.
They get harder now.
Even when we think that we've had enough.
Don't feel alone,
Cause it's I, you understand.
I'm your sedative,
Take a piece of me whenever you can.
Don't cry.... you're not alone.
...don't be so hard on yourself...
Don't cry.... tonight my baby
...Those tears are for.....someone else...
Don't cry.... you'll always be loved
...I hear your voice on the phone...
Don't cry.... tonight sweet baby
...I hear you feel... so alone.
Don't cry... don't cry... don't cry... don't you cry...
Cry... Don't cry...
Cause you still be loved
Don't cry
Don't cry tonight
Ohh..
My baby my baby my baby my baby my baby my baby my baby
my baby my baby my my baby my baby my baby my baby mymy baby my baby my baby
My baby....
Don't cry tonight
You'll still be loved
~ Seal
Things have been coasting along. I can't say for certain what I am feeling. An undercurrent of unease would probably sum it up best. I can't quite put a finger on it but I sense there is some implosion waiting in the wings. I just sit back and wait to see how hard it comes crashing down.I never really feel at peace knowing that whatever Prick-free time I have is only temporary. In the meantime, I keep riding Veritas as much as possible and my equine massage business has exploded. I am actually turning horses away because I don't have enough time to get them all in. I have recently encountered working with a vet from New Bolton who has given me referals all over Chester County. My ego is happy but it has put me back to working seven days a week with little free time for my own horses or friends. The only friend who seems to roll with the crazy schedule is Skinny. He makes his own hours so it is nothing for him to come meet me ten o'clock at night for dinner or a movie. Once again, are we dating? I have no clue. I am left with the feeling we missed that romantic window. We have been friends too long. I am done questioning it and I just embrace the convenience of always having a hetero person to be my date. Just about every weekend until December I have social functions that require a date. I found that Skinny will go anywhere without question... besides,"Dude, what do I need to wear?" Luckily, he dresses well without a fight about it. Another advantage? He has known me since I was 17 years old. This also means he knew every single one of my exes. Skinny can do a dead on imersonation of my ex husband that always get me in to side splitting giggles. This advantage means I never have to explain why I am so messed up as a 43 year old woman in the romance department. Part of me thinks Skinny knows all too well why he should steer clear of my romantic side. He has seen it first hand for too many years. *sigh*
So, back to Shoe Man. We had dinner yesterday and we did our usual six week "let's catch up." Recently Brit had contacted me. He found a position in a barn in Lexington, Kentucky. He had called me to offer me a job as head groom for their driving operation. On the surface it would be a dream job. It is also an opportunity to permanently get away from Prick and Pennsylvania. It would also mean giving up my life that I have worked so hard for here in PA. I would be leaving the horses and my friends. For the millionth time in my life I would wonder why I couldn't just have an easy solution to life? Fifteen years ago, I would of been moved before I could hang up the phone. My favorite saying of "it's a dollar short, a day late" tumbled out of my mouth. Shoe went on to assure me that working for Brit would be a disaster.I am too free-spirited next to his rigid British ways. Working shows for a week at a time was one thing. Full time would probably be my noose. I am grateful to hear his assurance that I made the right decision in saying no. We both agreed that Prick can stalk me anywhere. The most hateful things he has done was on the Internet. Moving to Kentucky won't protect me from that.
I came home after dinner in to my empty house. I wandered around, straightening up and dusting things off. I started to feel that black cloud descend. Just as I was contemplating going to bed the phone rang and heard the familiar voice on the other end, "Duuuude! Phillies are playing tonight. You wanna pretend you care and watch the game here, in my crib? You still have to tell me about your weekend with your brother."
I stood there with the phone at my ear. I picked up a framed picture of Brit and I riding on a coach at the Devon Horse Show 15 years ago. A lot has changed since then. Not all that bad.I still have my own horses. I still find comfort that I make a living massaging them. Maybe there is no fame or glory in it but the vets call on me to work. That is a huge step. Prick is away for at least a few more months.I can embrace 15 years ago with someone who was there to see it the first time around. "I'll be over," and I hung up the phone. Life goes on.
DON'T CRY Lyrics - SEAL
Shared via AddThis
Don't Cry
Don't be so hard on yourself.
Those tears are for someone else.
I hear your voice on the phone.
I hear you feel so alone.
My baby.
Ohh my baby.
Please my baby,
My baby,
When we were young,
And truth was paramount.
We were older then,
And we lived our life without any doubt.
Those memories,
They seem so long ago.
What's become of them? When you feel like me I want you to know.
Don't cry.
You're not alone.
Don't cry,
Tonight, my baby.
Don't cry,
You'll always be loved.
Don't cry,
Tonight.
My baby.
Today I dreamed,
Of friends I had before.
And I wonder why.
The ones who care don't call anymore.
My feelings hurt.
But you know I overcome the pain.
And I'm stronger now,
There can't be a fire unless there's a flame.
Don't cry.
You're not alone.
Don't cry,
Tonight, my baby.
Don't cry.
You'll always be loved.
Don't cry oh...
Limousines and sycophants,
Don't leave me now,
Cause I'm afraid what you've done to me.
Is now the wolf.
In my bed,
In my head.
In my head.
In my head.
The challenges, we took were hard enough.
They get harder now.
Even when we think that we've had enough.
Don't feel alone,
Cause it's I, you understand.
I'm your sedative,
Take a piece of me whenever you can.
Don't cry.... you're not alone.
...don't be so hard on yourself...
Don't cry.... tonight my baby
...Those tears are for.....someone else...
Don't cry.... you'll always be loved
...I hear your voice on the phone...
Don't cry.... tonight sweet baby
...I hear you feel... so alone.
Don't cry... don't cry... don't cry... don't you cry...
Cry... Don't cry...
Cause you still be loved
Don't cry
Don't cry tonight
Ohh..
My baby my baby my baby my baby my baby my baby my baby
my baby my baby my my baby my baby my baby my baby mymy baby my baby my baby
My baby....
Don't cry tonight
You'll still be loved
~ Seal
Comments
AbbyNormal~ it is an acoustic version that I found on the lyrics website. I also like it even more than the original. That was why I included the link to the site. I like to share the songs. Thanks for emailing me that link a few weeks back. :)
;)