Take Another Trip Around the Sun
I have to start out this blog by telling my emailers that I loved your responses to the sexting blog. I literally was laughing out loud at some of your own booty call stories...or lack of...lol. It is a strange world out there and it doesn't seem to fade any with age. I wonder if I will be one of those creaky old ladies in the nursing home who is still trying to figure out what some 45 year old man wants from me? I'm sure it still won't be for my money. I am also pretty certain that I will still be bitching about the same old games people play, only now with wheelchairs and oxygen.
The past month was a blur of parties, dinners, horse events and even a Flyers hockey game that included a day of tailgating with crazy Phillies fans beforehand. To say this month was a blast would be an understatement. In between great fun with my friends, who I adore, I found myself back in a funk. I am fine if I am out of my house but as soon as night falls and I am alone at home, the black cloud descends. I have found myself on weeknights staying out at the barn until the latest possible hour.
Today was the first day of my "stay-cation." Work at both of my jobs had been non-stop busy for the past two months. This week had finally slowed down enough for me to be brave enough to ask my boss at the salon for a couple days off. I was pleasantly surprised when he complied. Originally, I was going to go to Penn State to see friends. Skinny was even going with his own crew. I had a giggle at the thought of all of my gay boyfriends at PSU hanging out with his overly male-hetero group of football frenzied, friends. I decided last week it would be a wiser choice after this month of over-partying to have a weekend of some solitude and dry out my liver. Penn State is not exactly the sort of town to stay sober in.
I spent this first day just trying to get my closet sorted out. I have lost enough weight to know it is time to let go of the larger clothes. I took them over to The Domestic Violence Center, along with a box of newly bought toiletries and samples of hair products from our salon. It just helps me to feel like I give back to the one place that has helped me so much these past couple years. It is hard to believe I just typed that: a couple years. I know the only reason I have had to still rely on them is because Prick keeps dragging me back there with court hearings over the stalking issue. As hard as I try, I still find myself feeling at times, that I am unable to cope with my own demons from this issue. I still have the nightmares, the panic attacks and the depression. I know it is a hell of a lot better than it was two years ago but I get discouraged that it never seems to go completely away.
Anyhoo, I plan to spend the rest of my stay-cation close to home. I plan to clean out some scary clowns that have been lurking under my bed and in the dark corners of my closets. I think there might even be one in the closet, under my stairs. Bastard needs to go! I found the best way to clown removal is to find music of hope. They hate that shit. The rest will be catching up with some reading and writing, hanging out at the barn and dinner with friends. When I am here at home and feeling the black cloud descending or the scratching claws of scary things, I will sing the mantra; hang on world,'cause I'm not jumping off.
Artist: R.E.M.
Album: Around the Sun
Title: Around the Sun
I want the sun to shine on me
I want the truth to set me free
I wish the followers would lead
with a voice so strong it could knock me to my knees
Hold on world 'cause you don't know what's coming
Hold on world 'cause I'm not jumping off
Hold onto this boy a little longer
Take another trip around the sun
If I jumped into the ocean to believe
If I climbed a mountain would I have to reach?
Do I even dare to speak?--to dream?--believe?
Give me a voice so strong
I can question what I have seen
Hold on world 'cause you don't know what's coming
Hold on world 'cause I'm not jumping off
Hold onto this boy a little longer
Take another trip around the sun
Around the sun
Around the sun
Around the sun
Let my dreams set me free.
Believe. believe.
Now now now now now now
The past month was a blur of parties, dinners, horse events and even a Flyers hockey game that included a day of tailgating with crazy Phillies fans beforehand. To say this month was a blast would be an understatement. In between great fun with my friends, who I adore, I found myself back in a funk. I am fine if I am out of my house but as soon as night falls and I am alone at home, the black cloud descends. I have found myself on weeknights staying out at the barn until the latest possible hour.
Today was the first day of my "stay-cation." Work at both of my jobs had been non-stop busy for the past two months. This week had finally slowed down enough for me to be brave enough to ask my boss at the salon for a couple days off. I was pleasantly surprised when he complied. Originally, I was going to go to Penn State to see friends. Skinny was even going with his own crew. I had a giggle at the thought of all of my gay boyfriends at PSU hanging out with his overly male-hetero group of football frenzied, friends. I decided last week it would be a wiser choice after this month of over-partying to have a weekend of some solitude and dry out my liver. Penn State is not exactly the sort of town to stay sober in.
I spent this first day just trying to get my closet sorted out. I have lost enough weight to know it is time to let go of the larger clothes. I took them over to The Domestic Violence Center, along with a box of newly bought toiletries and samples of hair products from our salon. It just helps me to feel like I give back to the one place that has helped me so much these past couple years. It is hard to believe I just typed that: a couple years. I know the only reason I have had to still rely on them is because Prick keeps dragging me back there with court hearings over the stalking issue. As hard as I try, I still find myself feeling at times, that I am unable to cope with my own demons from this issue. I still have the nightmares, the panic attacks and the depression. I know it is a hell of a lot better than it was two years ago but I get discouraged that it never seems to go completely away.
Anyhoo, I plan to spend the rest of my stay-cation close to home. I plan to clean out some scary clowns that have been lurking under my bed and in the dark corners of my closets. I think there might even be one in the closet, under my stairs. Bastard needs to go! I found the best way to clown removal is to find music of hope. They hate that shit. The rest will be catching up with some reading and writing, hanging out at the barn and dinner with friends. When I am here at home and feeling the black cloud descending or the scratching claws of scary things, I will sing the mantra; hang on world,'cause I'm not jumping off.
Artist: R.E.M.
Album: Around the Sun
Title: Around the Sun
I want the sun to shine on me
I want the truth to set me free
I wish the followers would lead
with a voice so strong it could knock me to my knees
Hold on world 'cause you don't know what's coming
Hold on world 'cause I'm not jumping off
Hold onto this boy a little longer
Take another trip around the sun
If I jumped into the ocean to believe
If I climbed a mountain would I have to reach?
Do I even dare to speak?--to dream?--believe?
Give me a voice so strong
I can question what I have seen
Hold on world 'cause you don't know what's coming
Hold on world 'cause I'm not jumping off
Hold onto this boy a little longer
Take another trip around the sun
Around the sun
Around the sun
Around the sun
Let my dreams set me free.
Believe. believe.
Now now now now now now
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