How Can You Mend a Broken Heart?
Now that I slept off another migraine I need to get back to happier things. Like the beach. This past weekend the temperatures here in eastern Pennsylvania crept up to 99 degrees. Factor in the humidity and it was stifling. I decided that no matter how high the gas prices are rising the rising temps out ruled my eco-logic and I needed a day at the beach.
I set off early at 7am. It was already feeling like a hot wet blanket with thick fog as I drove over the bridge in to New Jersey. By the time I hit Atlantic City the sun started to burn through the clouds. When I got off on the Long Beach Island exit the sun came out and there wasn't a cloud in the sky. As I drove over the causeway I started to feel lighter. It is amazing how this is the one place that guarantees lifting me up no matter how dark my mood.
First I went to a small coffee shop and got a cup of tea. I sat outside for a half hour with my laptop but found myself staring out at the end of the lane towards the beach. The seagulls were swooping and chasing each other in what was obviously fun play. It is still pre-season at the Jersey Shore so there is little garbage and stray food to distract the seagulls. I always enjoy watching them in a more natural element before their love of Pringles and ice cream wrappers overcome them, turning them in to insane beach rats with wings.
I then drove over to the realtor who is handling my house rental for August. I wanted to put down the rest of my rental in cash.That was another justification of driving to the beach for one day. My realtor seemed shocked and ecstatic to have my full rent in cash. As I drove down towards the center of the island where there are changing rooms I could understand her elation. It seemed every other house had rental signs. A lot were by owners,meaning they were willing to rent for less and fore-go the realtor's cut. That is not a good sign for people who depend on rentals to keep their mortgage.
After getting changed in to my bathing suit I decided to go to the beach where I would be renting from in August. It is a much smaller block so there are less people even during the peak season. As expected it was practically empty except for a few small families.
I set my chair right up to the surf because the temperature was soaring. The sand was so hot I had to keep my flip flops on to just get down to the surf. I then began to read a book that someone had given me for Christmas. I had tried to start it a couple times but for some reason my brain couldn't handle reading much this past winter. For the first time in my life I struggled with the one thing that always gave me comfort which was escaping in to a good book.
Maybe it was the comforting sound of the surf driving the non stop anxiety chatter out of my head. Maybe it was the soothing feel of soft white sand that enveloped me while I lay on my blanket, maybe it was the breeze that drifted off the ocean,cooling my body as well as my over analyzing brain. Whatever it was, it clicked. I forgot everything that I left over the bridge and got lost in the book. Chosen by a Horse by Susan Richards. The subtitle was; How a broken horse fixed a broken heart. It is the true story of a woman's journey of leaving an abusive marriage and finding love and healing through one particular horse.
Thank God, it was off season and no one was around me. I read the book straight through from front to back with tears streaming down the entire time. I felt Susan Richards was telling my story. Her words were mine. There is someone else out there who knows what I am about and how much pain and sorrow in life we have to face. That my love of horses are the reason I keep muddling through. No matter how many human disappointments I have encountered, my dreams of healing with horses has always shined through. Excuse the pun but it has been the only stabilizing thing I have ever had. It was so healing to read this book and finally understand why I am me.
I read the last sentence around 3 pm. I put the book down and just let the tears fall while staring at the ocean as it ebbed. For the first time in months I felt like I had an understanding of what I am supposed to do.
At 4:00 I packed my things up and headed for my car. While putting my chair in to the back of my car I saw something shiny from underneath the hatchback cover. I pulled it up and saw that it was Gwen's nameplate from her stall. I had taken it off the stall door when we put Sydney in to her stall. I must have tossed it in to the back of my car not even thinking in my grief. I held it for a moment watching the sun shine a ray of light on the reflection of the brass. Even here at the beach,hundreds of miles away, Gwen will always be with me. Not in the nameplate but as a part of my very soul.I know the love I had with her will always be healing me.
I got in to the car and headed home. I knew that I would get home in plenty of time to say goodnight to Sydney and Romeo. What better way to end the day? I still have a lot of love waiting to help me heal.
My car rolled over the causeway and I felt an envelope of peace surround me. That was worth the trip.
I set off early at 7am. It was already feeling like a hot wet blanket with thick fog as I drove over the bridge in to New Jersey. By the time I hit Atlantic City the sun started to burn through the clouds. When I got off on the Long Beach Island exit the sun came out and there wasn't a cloud in the sky. As I drove over the causeway I started to feel lighter. It is amazing how this is the one place that guarantees lifting me up no matter how dark my mood.
First I went to a small coffee shop and got a cup of tea. I sat outside for a half hour with my laptop but found myself staring out at the end of the lane towards the beach. The seagulls were swooping and chasing each other in what was obviously fun play. It is still pre-season at the Jersey Shore so there is little garbage and stray food to distract the seagulls. I always enjoy watching them in a more natural element before their love of Pringles and ice cream wrappers overcome them, turning them in to insane beach rats with wings.
I then drove over to the realtor who is handling my house rental for August. I wanted to put down the rest of my rental in cash.That was another justification of driving to the beach for one day. My realtor seemed shocked and ecstatic to have my full rent in cash. As I drove down towards the center of the island where there are changing rooms I could understand her elation. It seemed every other house had rental signs. A lot were by owners,meaning they were willing to rent for less and fore-go the realtor's cut. That is not a good sign for people who depend on rentals to keep their mortgage.
After getting changed in to my bathing suit I decided to go to the beach where I would be renting from in August. It is a much smaller block so there are less people even during the peak season. As expected it was practically empty except for a few small families.
I set my chair right up to the surf because the temperature was soaring. The sand was so hot I had to keep my flip flops on to just get down to the surf. I then began to read a book that someone had given me for Christmas. I had tried to start it a couple times but for some reason my brain couldn't handle reading much this past winter. For the first time in my life I struggled with the one thing that always gave me comfort which was escaping in to a good book.
Maybe it was the comforting sound of the surf driving the non stop anxiety chatter out of my head. Maybe it was the soothing feel of soft white sand that enveloped me while I lay on my blanket, maybe it was the breeze that drifted off the ocean,cooling my body as well as my over analyzing brain. Whatever it was, it clicked. I forgot everything that I left over the bridge and got lost in the book. Chosen by a Horse by Susan Richards. The subtitle was; How a broken horse fixed a broken heart. It is the true story of a woman's journey of leaving an abusive marriage and finding love and healing through one particular horse.
Thank God, it was off season and no one was around me. I read the book straight through from front to back with tears streaming down the entire time. I felt Susan Richards was telling my story. Her words were mine. There is someone else out there who knows what I am about and how much pain and sorrow in life we have to face. That my love of horses are the reason I keep muddling through. No matter how many human disappointments I have encountered, my dreams of healing with horses has always shined through. Excuse the pun but it has been the only stabilizing thing I have ever had. It was so healing to read this book and finally understand why I am me.
I read the last sentence around 3 pm. I put the book down and just let the tears fall while staring at the ocean as it ebbed. For the first time in months I felt like I had an understanding of what I am supposed to do.
At 4:00 I packed my things up and headed for my car. While putting my chair in to the back of my car I saw something shiny from underneath the hatchback cover. I pulled it up and saw that it was Gwen's nameplate from her stall. I had taken it off the stall door when we put Sydney in to her stall. I must have tossed it in to the back of my car not even thinking in my grief. I held it for a moment watching the sun shine a ray of light on the reflection of the brass. Even here at the beach,hundreds of miles away, Gwen will always be with me. Not in the nameplate but as a part of my very soul.I know the love I had with her will always be healing me.
I got in to the car and headed home. I knew that I would get home in plenty of time to say goodnight to Sydney and Romeo. What better way to end the day? I still have a lot of love waiting to help me heal.
My car rolled over the causeway and I felt an envelope of peace surround me. That was worth the trip.
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