Spring Thoughts

Even though it is still cold out, I know it is finally spring. The birds are chirping, our pair of Canadian Geese are back and nesting. The trees are starting to bud and the ugly brown mud is getting a tinge of green from renewing grass. The horses are getting frisky in the morning. Kicking at the doors to get out if I am taking too long in my morning chores.
The way I really knew it was spring was when I received an email yesterday. It was from my realtor at the beach. She wanted to know if I was still interested in renting a house in August. My first initial reaction was to say no. I am so torn as to my memory of last years vacation. It was a coincidence that I had the house already rented and waiting when Prick decided to beat the crap out of me. Initially I thought of canceling the vacation that the two of us were supposed to be taking together, but my family and friends were insistent I go it alone. I think their feeling was that I would be safer away from my home. Prick never knew the actual location of the house that I had rented so it was a good place to curl up in the fetal position and nurse my bruises along with my broken heart.
Since I was a baby, there were three things I loved most in this world. Music, horses and the beach. In my perfect world I can have all three together. Since my imperfect world doesn't allow my finances to have all three at once I settle for day trips and an occasional week at the beach.
I finally paid off my car this past January. Finances are looking up in that department. I should get a fairly decent tax return along with the rebate.
I originally intended to put that in savings and possibly get new flooring in my home.
Last night I looked back at blog entries and journals I wrote while hiding out in the tiny house I rented last August. In spite of the pain I was in, I saw a beautiful sunrise, a gorgeous sunset, crystal clear water on my third day and stayed in a house with a fabulous beach view from the deck. I spent hours writing not just journal entries but short stories that weren't too bad. It was during that week of solitude that I saw for the first time how invasive and abusive all along Prick was to my psyche. I can't tell you how painful that realization is when it finally comes.
My decision was made.
I wrote back that if I could have the same house I would take it. I figure it would be a good way to close a chapter to a certain book. The best place to do that would be for me to go back to the beginning of where my healing began.
That, and the fact that I just love the beach, damn it.