Sign o' the Times
Life is coasting along. My only recent complaint has been the feeling that life is somehow stalled and going nowhere. The past year I have often found myself staring off in to space, wishing God would send me a sign that life is moving in some kind of positive direction. It's not that I am feeling bad per se. Just stuck in a bottomless sea, in an endless paddle and not getting anywhere. The endless feeling of numbness has taken over me again. I hate that feeling more than feeling pain or sorrow. It is just so empty.
We have had heavy rains and high winds on Saturday. The good thing is it dropped the ragweed and other dust down. For the first time in weeks I made it through the day without wanting to rip my eyeballs out from the itching. The bad part was the rain washed out part of the flooring in the aisle at the barn. I walked in to check Sydney and Romeo after work on Saturday. The water was rushing down the aisle, in between the two stalls. Syd had her head over the stall door, snorting in protest. The topper? Two huge frogs were hopping around in their new found stream. I spent most of Sunday morning trying to dry out the mess. My uncle laid down more stone dust where the water left tiny fissures. I sopped up the water with wood pellets and took what seemed like a ton of wet bedding out of the stalls.
In spite of the protest my back and shoulders were already showing, I rode Veritas on Sunday for a couple hours. We spend an hour in the ring and then an hour out around the fields. I finally got the nerve to canter him in the ring. His stride is absolutely huge! I am used to years of riding gaited horses who have a more upright shoulder. This produces a rocking horse canter that is a slower, more up and down motion. Veritas has the typical long, downward and forward gait of the sloping shoulder found in warmbloods. I have no problem with a canter like his on the trail where it is open and I don't feel like I have to rein him in. When you ride a huge stride like his in the ring it feels much faster than what it really is and the corners of the ring feel too tight. Part of it is lack of collection. I am still working his back and hindquarters to help him gain strength. It takes a long time to really ask for collection. I think this is where most young horses and their trainers start to end up with discipline problems. Training too hard and too fast before they are physically able to move to a next level. European trainers seem to understand how long the dressage process takes. Almost every American dressage barn I have dealt with has the typical hard, artificial gaits demanded too soon. It is why I am in business. These horses are usually sore as hell and grumpy to boot. I massage a lot in eventer barns.
So, long story short. We cantered and we both survived. But I had answered my own question. Are we ready to do this? The answer is: no. He is still too weak in his overall collection for cantering in the confines of the ring. I am patient and willing to wait.
Patience. Something that I have often lacked in every other aspect of my life. The good thing about Veritas is all I have is time. I have no goals other than to enjoy riding him. For the first time I found this has extended elsewhere in my life. I felt that the whole situation with Prick had put my life on hold. I worked seven days a week, I took care of horses and was running around everywhere. The one thing that seemed certain was that I have had no clue as to what the hell I was doing. I felt like there was no way to make plans or have goals. Even my vacations were centered around court dates and hearings. Every conversation with friends the inevitable question of, "what's going on with the Ex?" would put me right back in the uncertainty of what was my life.
Sunday night I met my two best girlfriends in West Chester. It is a college town and the business establishments reflect that. It is also where all of my recent court proceedings have been.
We chose a pub that was one block from the courthouse. There is limited parking so we walked up the two blocks to the pub. The Phillies were playing that night so the bar area was fairly busy for a Sunday night. We got a booth and spent the next few hours eating and making each other laugh. We even sat at the bar for a bit and had a drink. I had forgotten how nice just sitting in a quiet pub with friends could be.
When we left the pub still chattering away, it occurred to me that we made it through a whole night without the Prick question. Because quite simply, there is nothing else to discuss. I felt a warmth inside that has been missing for what seems like an eternity. As we giggled and talked while we made the walk back to the parking lot, we passed the courthouse.
West Chester is really a beautiful town. They filmed parts of the movie Marley and Me right where we were strolling along.I am actually there quite frequently since the Domestic Violence Center is located in the borough. I have friends who live in the historical row homes located on the tree lined,brick paved, side streets that surround the university. Even though I am in this town so frequently, I think it was the first time I really noticed how pretty it was or how lucky I am to live so close to it.
When we got to the front of the courthouse my one friend stopped to adjust her shoe. While we waited, I looked up through the trees that lined along the bricked pavement and gazed up at the courthouse in the spotlights. It was the first time I had noticed it. Funny, every meeting with the District Attorney or hearing I attended, I had walked right past it, in broad daylight. I suppose in my numbed state, I never took notice. A statue of the Roman goddess, Veritas.
I'm not certain if this was the sign I was praying for or what it exactly means. I am just grateful that my fog is finally lifting enough to question it and to finally start seeing things again.
As we continued to walk, I was certain I felt an internal humming of my motor finally starting.
We have had heavy rains and high winds on Saturday. The good thing is it dropped the ragweed and other dust down. For the first time in weeks I made it through the day without wanting to rip my eyeballs out from the itching. The bad part was the rain washed out part of the flooring in the aisle at the barn. I walked in to check Sydney and Romeo after work on Saturday. The water was rushing down the aisle, in between the two stalls. Syd had her head over the stall door, snorting in protest. The topper? Two huge frogs were hopping around in their new found stream. I spent most of Sunday morning trying to dry out the mess. My uncle laid down more stone dust where the water left tiny fissures. I sopped up the water with wood pellets and took what seemed like a ton of wet bedding out of the stalls.
In spite of the protest my back and shoulders were already showing, I rode Veritas on Sunday for a couple hours. We spend an hour in the ring and then an hour out around the fields. I finally got the nerve to canter him in the ring. His stride is absolutely huge! I am used to years of riding gaited horses who have a more upright shoulder. This produces a rocking horse canter that is a slower, more up and down motion. Veritas has the typical long, downward and forward gait of the sloping shoulder found in warmbloods. I have no problem with a canter like his on the trail where it is open and I don't feel like I have to rein him in. When you ride a huge stride like his in the ring it feels much faster than what it really is and the corners of the ring feel too tight. Part of it is lack of collection. I am still working his back and hindquarters to help him gain strength. It takes a long time to really ask for collection. I think this is where most young horses and their trainers start to end up with discipline problems. Training too hard and too fast before they are physically able to move to a next level. European trainers seem to understand how long the dressage process takes. Almost every American dressage barn I have dealt with has the typical hard, artificial gaits demanded too soon. It is why I am in business. These horses are usually sore as hell and grumpy to boot. I massage a lot in eventer barns.
So, long story short. We cantered and we both survived. But I had answered my own question. Are we ready to do this? The answer is: no. He is still too weak in his overall collection for cantering in the confines of the ring. I am patient and willing to wait.
Patience. Something that I have often lacked in every other aspect of my life. The good thing about Veritas is all I have is time. I have no goals other than to enjoy riding him. For the first time I found this has extended elsewhere in my life. I felt that the whole situation with Prick had put my life on hold. I worked seven days a week, I took care of horses and was running around everywhere. The one thing that seemed certain was that I have had no clue as to what the hell I was doing. I felt like there was no way to make plans or have goals. Even my vacations were centered around court dates and hearings. Every conversation with friends the inevitable question of, "what's going on with the Ex?" would put me right back in the uncertainty of what was my life.
Sunday night I met my two best girlfriends in West Chester. It is a college town and the business establishments reflect that. It is also where all of my recent court proceedings have been.
We chose a pub that was one block from the courthouse. There is limited parking so we walked up the two blocks to the pub. The Phillies were playing that night so the bar area was fairly busy for a Sunday night. We got a booth and spent the next few hours eating and making each other laugh. We even sat at the bar for a bit and had a drink. I had forgotten how nice just sitting in a quiet pub with friends could be.
When we left the pub still chattering away, it occurred to me that we made it through a whole night without the Prick question. Because quite simply, there is nothing else to discuss. I felt a warmth inside that has been missing for what seems like an eternity. As we giggled and talked while we made the walk back to the parking lot, we passed the courthouse.
West Chester is really a beautiful town. They filmed parts of the movie Marley and Me right where we were strolling along.I am actually there quite frequently since the Domestic Violence Center is located in the borough. I have friends who live in the historical row homes located on the tree lined,brick paved, side streets that surround the university. Even though I am in this town so frequently, I think it was the first time I really noticed how pretty it was or how lucky I am to live so close to it.
When we got to the front of the courthouse my one friend stopped to adjust her shoe. While we waited, I looked up through the trees that lined along the bricked pavement and gazed up at the courthouse in the spotlights. It was the first time I had noticed it. Funny, every meeting with the District Attorney or hearing I attended, I had walked right past it, in broad daylight. I suppose in my numbed state, I never took notice. A statue of the Roman goddess, Veritas.
I'm not certain if this was the sign I was praying for or what it exactly means. I am just grateful that my fog is finally lifting enough to question it and to finally start seeing things again.
As we continued to walk, I was certain I felt an internal humming of my motor finally starting.
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