Could You Please Knock Me Off My Feet For a While?
At least The Sandman came at all. After yesterday's court hearing my best friend and I had lunch. We had a drink on top of the ativan my boss had given me the night before. I came home and finally slept for four hours straight. I think that was the first solid sleep in awhile. Prick made it easy for me and plead guilty. He usually does which makes me think in the back of my mind he really does want to stay in jail. I can't stand more than one rainy day inside the house, so jail is beyond my comprehension. Of course the one thing I have come to learn through the years that no matter what the outside location, it is in your own mind where freedom matters the most.
Romeo has taken a turn for the worst. The poor old guy has had a rough time with all of the rain. His weakened hoof walls had began to crumble with all of the torrential rains and mud. He developed another abcess a couple weeks ago. Shoe-Man came and drained it and packed the crevice with sugardine. I walked him back to his rig and I knew by his face.
"He's old, Ness."
*sigh*
I buried my face into his chest when he pulled me in for a hug. I breathed in that familiar scent of horses and leather. I felt nothing. When you have come this far there is not much else to feel.I told Shoe the same thing I always say when this time gets close at hand.
"I don't know what to do."
How many horses have I lost in the past decade? For the millionth time I wonder why I couldn't take up a hobby like tennis or golf?
My aunt Jan never calls me unless it is bad. I was trying to soak up the last rays of light at the lake when her panic call came in. Seems Romeo got down in his stall and couldn't get back up. As I drove to the farm I called the vet to have the private talk without my aunt Jan's presence. Tony was already there at the farm and was trying to decide if we should try and hoist him up with ropes. I drove through the winding roads and felt that familiar safety net wrapping it's way around me. I am numb. I glanced in to my rear view mirror and was certain the grim reaper was hunched down in the back seat, hiding under the cover of darkness of the waning daylight.I could feel his grin start to burn a hole in the back of my neck.
I parked my car behind the vet's rig. The lights were on in the barn and Blackie began winding herself around my feet the moment I stepped out of the car.
I stepped in to the barn and saw Romeo looking at me over his stall wall. He let out a huge nicker. Jan said the moment he heard my car he got up. Tony stood there with a handful of ropes that we obviously didn't need.
The vet spent the next hour digging out another abcess. This one is closer to the coffin bone. Jan stood by Romeos head with tears streaming down while I silently watched Tony work.
Afterwards I walked the vet back to his truck. I asked him if it's time? We both stood there and could see inside the lit barn, Romeo standing up with his ears forward and eating hay. Just the strange rocking back stance of his body to relieve his front laminitic feet being the only clue of the pain he was in.
Tony said it was more of a question of what we were willing to do to keep him going? The hard part is Romeo is owned by Jan. Technically it is her decision in the end. We decided to wait it out and see how this abcess drains. As always, somehow you do know when it is finally time and right now Romeo is still there and fighting.
I finally left Jan's when Sydney and Romeo seemed settled for the night. My heart was heavy at the thought of going home in such a state of numbness. I found myself driving down to see Veritas. The horses are turned out at night in the summer. As I hiked up the hill of his pasture I had no clue where I was walking to. It was dark enough that I couldn't make out any shapes of the horses. When I finally got to the top of the hill I saw a dark shape walking towards me. I didn't need my eyes to tell me it was Veritas. For the first time in this stressful day the tears started falling. I buried my face in his mane and glanced up and saw a shooting star.
The stars light a sky
On a galaxy of emptiness tonight
Though I'm happiest
When there's no reason for me to be
With no one's expectation to weigh heavy on my heart
And so much hope it sometimes tears me all apart
Won't you please
Knock me off my feet for a while?
Could you please
Knock me off my feet for a while?
'Cause there's a galaxy of emptiness tonight
A whole galaxy of emptiness tonight
A galaxy of emptiness tonight
The stars light a sky
On a gutter full of broken dreams tonight
Though I'm not content, that's the way it seems to be
Still, I've been fighting all week
Though I don't know what for
Hoping someone else, somewhere near knows the score
Won't you please
Knock me off my feet for a while?
Could you please
Knock me off my feet for a while?
And there's a galaxy of emptiness tonight
There's a galaxy of emptiness tonight
A whole galaxy of emptiness tonight
Monkey see, monkey do
I spent my whole life surrounded by people like you
With all that expectation to weigh heavy on your heart
But no ideas to later tear it all apart
Won't you please
Knock me off my feet for a while?
Could you please
Knock me off my feet for a while?
'Cause there's a galaxy of emptiness tonight
A whole wide galaxy of emptiness tonight
Beware the galaxy of emptiness tonight
'Cause there's a galaxy of emptiness tonight
A whole wide galaxy of emptiness tonight
Yeah, there's a galaxy of emptiness
A whole wide galaxy of emptiness tonight
Beware the galaxy of emptiness tonight
(A galaxy of emptiness)
(A whole galaxy of stars)
~Galaxy Of Emptiness, Beth Orton
Romeo has taken a turn for the worst. The poor old guy has had a rough time with all of the rain. His weakened hoof walls had began to crumble with all of the torrential rains and mud. He developed another abcess a couple weeks ago. Shoe-Man came and drained it and packed the crevice with sugardine. I walked him back to his rig and I knew by his face.
"He's old, Ness."
*sigh*
I buried my face into his chest when he pulled me in for a hug. I breathed in that familiar scent of horses and leather. I felt nothing. When you have come this far there is not much else to feel.I told Shoe the same thing I always say when this time gets close at hand.
"I don't know what to do."
How many horses have I lost in the past decade? For the millionth time I wonder why I couldn't take up a hobby like tennis or golf?
My aunt Jan never calls me unless it is bad. I was trying to soak up the last rays of light at the lake when her panic call came in. Seems Romeo got down in his stall and couldn't get back up. As I drove to the farm I called the vet to have the private talk without my aunt Jan's presence. Tony was already there at the farm and was trying to decide if we should try and hoist him up with ropes. I drove through the winding roads and felt that familiar safety net wrapping it's way around me. I am numb. I glanced in to my rear view mirror and was certain the grim reaper was hunched down in the back seat, hiding under the cover of darkness of the waning daylight.I could feel his grin start to burn a hole in the back of my neck.
I parked my car behind the vet's rig. The lights were on in the barn and Blackie began winding herself around my feet the moment I stepped out of the car.
I stepped in to the barn and saw Romeo looking at me over his stall wall. He let out a huge nicker. Jan said the moment he heard my car he got up. Tony stood there with a handful of ropes that we obviously didn't need.
The vet spent the next hour digging out another abcess. This one is closer to the coffin bone. Jan stood by Romeos head with tears streaming down while I silently watched Tony work.
Afterwards I walked the vet back to his truck. I asked him if it's time? We both stood there and could see inside the lit barn, Romeo standing up with his ears forward and eating hay. Just the strange rocking back stance of his body to relieve his front laminitic feet being the only clue of the pain he was in.
Tony said it was more of a question of what we were willing to do to keep him going? The hard part is Romeo is owned by Jan. Technically it is her decision in the end. We decided to wait it out and see how this abcess drains. As always, somehow you do know when it is finally time and right now Romeo is still there and fighting.
I finally left Jan's when Sydney and Romeo seemed settled for the night. My heart was heavy at the thought of going home in such a state of numbness. I found myself driving down to see Veritas. The horses are turned out at night in the summer. As I hiked up the hill of his pasture I had no clue where I was walking to. It was dark enough that I couldn't make out any shapes of the horses. When I finally got to the top of the hill I saw a dark shape walking towards me. I didn't need my eyes to tell me it was Veritas. For the first time in this stressful day the tears started falling. I buried my face in his mane and glanced up and saw a shooting star.
The stars light a sky
On a galaxy of emptiness tonight
Though I'm happiest
When there's no reason for me to be
With no one's expectation to weigh heavy on my heart
And so much hope it sometimes tears me all apart
Won't you please
Knock me off my feet for a while?
Could you please
Knock me off my feet for a while?
'Cause there's a galaxy of emptiness tonight
A whole galaxy of emptiness tonight
A galaxy of emptiness tonight
The stars light a sky
On a gutter full of broken dreams tonight
Though I'm not content, that's the way it seems to be
Still, I've been fighting all week
Though I don't know what for
Hoping someone else, somewhere near knows the score
Won't you please
Knock me off my feet for a while?
Could you please
Knock me off my feet for a while?
And there's a galaxy of emptiness tonight
There's a galaxy of emptiness tonight
A whole galaxy of emptiness tonight
Monkey see, monkey do
I spent my whole life surrounded by people like you
With all that expectation to weigh heavy on your heart
But no ideas to later tear it all apart
Won't you please
Knock me off my feet for a while?
Could you please
Knock me off my feet for a while?
'Cause there's a galaxy of emptiness tonight
A whole wide galaxy of emptiness tonight
Beware the galaxy of emptiness tonight
'Cause there's a galaxy of emptiness tonight
A whole wide galaxy of emptiness tonight
Yeah, there's a galaxy of emptiness
A whole wide galaxy of emptiness tonight
Beware the galaxy of emptiness tonight
(A galaxy of emptiness)
(A whole galaxy of stars)
~Galaxy Of Emptiness, Beth Orton
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