An Instrument of Your Peace
Snow. We have snow. Along with frozen pipes in the barn.The Snow Miser decided to pay my area of PA a visit. Winter is tough if you have a small, backyard horse set-up. No matter how much insulation we wrap around the pipes, they freeze when we hit the teen digits.
Since Romeo is prone to colic, it is essential that he have plenty of water. This means several trips from the house to the barn lugging water buckets. I keep thinking there must be some solution. Every time I watch a football game and I see that big Gatorade container by the players bench, I think that would be easy enough to stick in a wheel barrow. Better than my aunt and I, juggling water buckets, trying not to slip on the ice and snow.
Romeo seems happy enough. No residual effects of his couple month ordeal of abscesses and stitches. I caught him rolling in the mud with his heavy-weight, winter rug on. Not an easy feat for even a young horse.
Sydney is back to giving me the cold shoulder. I just can't figure the girl out. I try not to let it bother me. I rationalize that a lot of off-the-track Thoroughbreds are like her. When Romeo was raced, he was owned by one person. Syd was owned by a corporation, consisting of numerous owners. Since most low earning, corporate race horses have little to no handling as a pet, these horses tend to not bond with people. Syd was actually a winning horse so that meant she spent 7 years on the track before her racing career ended. What her life on the track was like is something I can't even imagine. I just try and remind myself to not take her snubbing my affection, personally.
I just feel sad that I was able to get Gwen to come back around after her life as an isolated show horse, where Syd, she could care less. Even if I have a pocket full of treats, she doesn't even look up when I approach them in the pasture. It is only when Romeo starts walking towards me, reaching out for a cookie, that she will finally acknowledge me. She makes no eye contact and acts as if it's a bother in her busy grazing to accept a treat. I hate myself for muttering, "bitch" every time she does that. All the more reason I am grateful I have Romeo and Veritas to reassure me that I am lovable.
What it really boils down to is that after a year and a half I have come to the realization that I still have a hole in my heart where Gwen once was. Now that I am coming off such high doses of the anti anxiety meds, I am once again feeling things more clearly. One of them is that emotion of real loss of such a huge part of my existence. It's hard to explain this to people around me. I know my aunt gets it. I think that is one of the reasons she will email me in the mornings to go back to bed, she will take care of the horses. Gwen would miss me if I didn't get out there at least a few times a week. Syd could care less who feeds her and turns her out.
The powder of snow that fell last night is on top of ice. I chose to lead the horses through the barn door rather than just opening their stall doors and letting them race each other out and possibly wiping out on the slippery ice. Romeo is a bit of a bastard when I lead him. He is pushy and obstinate until I remind him who has cookies in her pocket. Syd is actually a nice horse to lead. The one advantage of horses that don't bond~they don't have a bone to pick with you. She would deem it unworthy of her time to have an argument with me.
I was able to just lead her with a rope draped around her neck. She gracefully lowered her head so that I could slip the rope off. She ignored my outstretched hand that was offering a cookie and walked out to begin searching for a spot to roll. Romeo waltzed up and grabbed the cookie. Snooze, ya lose. He hung out with me for a couple minutes and then turned to join Syd for a good roll in the snow. I stood at the barn door and started adjusting my scarf.I dropped the rope while I was shifting my multiple layers. As I bent down to retrieve the rope I saw a shine of brass in the dirt. I had to take my glove off to scrape it out of the frozen ground. I finally pried it loose and was left staring in wonder at what I found. It was a Saint Francis medal that I used to have on Gwen's halter.
Years ago, Dru and I co-op ed a barn together. We had each horse have St. Francis metals attached to their halters, blankets, bridles,etc.. One side had the Patron Saint of Animals, and the other side had the horses name engraved. This way, we could keep track of what item belonged to what horse and keep blessings around them at every angle.Even after Dru and I went to separate barns, the tags went with our horses and their belongings. Gwen's halter medal had fallen off years ago. I had forgotten about it until this moment. Why I would find it now in the one spot I stand in almost every day, I have no idea.
I held it for a few moments and felt the warmth of tears welling up. I am so grateful now for them. Now matter what has happened, my time with Gwen was something I will always hold close to my heart. Even though she is gone, her spirit is right there with me. Finding that medal was just Gwen reminding me to keep the faith.
Lord, make me an instrument of your peace,
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
where there is sadness, joy;
O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand;
to be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive;
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.
I took the medal back out of my pocket and reminded myself, for it is in giving that we receive.
I walked out to where Syd was now pawing through the hay pile. I fed her a cookie and found a spot under her chin that she likes having scritched. She stretched out her neck and lowered her head for me so I could reach her spot better. After I had stopped, she head-butted me in the arm. For Syd, this is the closest she can bring herself to saying thanks for the love.
I'm cool with that.
Since Romeo is prone to colic, it is essential that he have plenty of water. This means several trips from the house to the barn lugging water buckets. I keep thinking there must be some solution. Every time I watch a football game and I see that big Gatorade container by the players bench, I think that would be easy enough to stick in a wheel barrow. Better than my aunt and I, juggling water buckets, trying not to slip on the ice and snow.
Romeo seems happy enough. No residual effects of his couple month ordeal of abscesses and stitches. I caught him rolling in the mud with his heavy-weight, winter rug on. Not an easy feat for even a young horse.
Sydney is back to giving me the cold shoulder. I just can't figure the girl out. I try not to let it bother me. I rationalize that a lot of off-the-track Thoroughbreds are like her. When Romeo was raced, he was owned by one person. Syd was owned by a corporation, consisting of numerous owners. Since most low earning, corporate race horses have little to no handling as a pet, these horses tend to not bond with people. Syd was actually a winning horse so that meant she spent 7 years on the track before her racing career ended. What her life on the track was like is something I can't even imagine. I just try and remind myself to not take her snubbing my affection, personally.
I just feel sad that I was able to get Gwen to come back around after her life as an isolated show horse, where Syd, she could care less. Even if I have a pocket full of treats, she doesn't even look up when I approach them in the pasture. It is only when Romeo starts walking towards me, reaching out for a cookie, that she will finally acknowledge me. She makes no eye contact and acts as if it's a bother in her busy grazing to accept a treat. I hate myself for muttering, "bitch" every time she does that. All the more reason I am grateful I have Romeo and Veritas to reassure me that I am lovable.
What it really boils down to is that after a year and a half I have come to the realization that I still have a hole in my heart where Gwen once was. Now that I am coming off such high doses of the anti anxiety meds, I am once again feeling things more clearly. One of them is that emotion of real loss of such a huge part of my existence. It's hard to explain this to people around me. I know my aunt gets it. I think that is one of the reasons she will email me in the mornings to go back to bed, she will take care of the horses. Gwen would miss me if I didn't get out there at least a few times a week. Syd could care less who feeds her and turns her out.
The powder of snow that fell last night is on top of ice. I chose to lead the horses through the barn door rather than just opening their stall doors and letting them race each other out and possibly wiping out on the slippery ice. Romeo is a bit of a bastard when I lead him. He is pushy and obstinate until I remind him who has cookies in her pocket. Syd is actually a nice horse to lead. The one advantage of horses that don't bond~they don't have a bone to pick with you. She would deem it unworthy of her time to have an argument with me.
I was able to just lead her with a rope draped around her neck. She gracefully lowered her head so that I could slip the rope off. She ignored my outstretched hand that was offering a cookie and walked out to begin searching for a spot to roll. Romeo waltzed up and grabbed the cookie. Snooze, ya lose. He hung out with me for a couple minutes and then turned to join Syd for a good roll in the snow. I stood at the barn door and started adjusting my scarf.I dropped the rope while I was shifting my multiple layers. As I bent down to retrieve the rope I saw a shine of brass in the dirt. I had to take my glove off to scrape it out of the frozen ground. I finally pried it loose and was left staring in wonder at what I found. It was a Saint Francis medal that I used to have on Gwen's halter.
Years ago, Dru and I co-op ed a barn together. We had each horse have St. Francis metals attached to their halters, blankets, bridles,etc.. One side had the Patron Saint of Animals, and the other side had the horses name engraved. This way, we could keep track of what item belonged to what horse and keep blessings around them at every angle.Even after Dru and I went to separate barns, the tags went with our horses and their belongings. Gwen's halter medal had fallen off years ago. I had forgotten about it until this moment. Why I would find it now in the one spot I stand in almost every day, I have no idea.
I held it for a few moments and felt the warmth of tears welling up. I am so grateful now for them. Now matter what has happened, my time with Gwen was something I will always hold close to my heart. Even though she is gone, her spirit is right there with me. Finding that medal was just Gwen reminding me to keep the faith.
Lord, make me an instrument of your peace,
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
where there is sadness, joy;
O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand;
to be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive;
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.
I took the medal back out of my pocket and reminded myself, for it is in giving that we receive.
I walked out to where Syd was now pawing through the hay pile. I fed her a cookie and found a spot under her chin that she likes having scritched. She stretched out her neck and lowered her head for me so I could reach her spot better. After I had stopped, she head-butted me in the arm. For Syd, this is the closest she can bring herself to saying thanks for the love.
I'm cool with that.
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