No Time is Better Than Now

Felonius my old friend
Step on in and let me shake your hand
So glad that you're here again
For one more time
Let your madness run with mine
Streets still unseen we'll find somehow
No time is better than now *

I shot straight up when the shrill of my phone blasted me awake. I rarely get calls on my home line anymore and at that early hour I was jolted with confusion. I checked the caller ID as I fumbled for the talk button and all it said was Australia.

"Did I wake you?"

I fumbled for the clock in my stupor and squinted.

"No," I lied.
It was Ryan calling from Australia. He had gone home for the holidays and I didn't see him before he left. He asked me what time it was here in the States.

"4am,"I mumbled, throwing my arm across my eyes.

"Bloody Hell, it's 9pm here. Sorry,love," but he didn't sound sorry. In fact he was his usual chipper self.The fact that it was also a day ahead didn't seem like an issue either.

I have to say that there is something about an Aussie accent that does a girl in. If a South Philly guy woke me with a,"Yo! Yous sleepin'?" I would have been crankier.

Ryan,was calling to tell me his boss was taking their horses to South Carolina, for the winter horse show season. He was flying directly there from Australia so he wouldn't be back in PA until late April.

Crap. I was losing my trainer. I stopped my lessons when my work hours in mid December, became insane. My little black cloud of depression had kept me from Veritas, but at least Ryan, was still riding him for me. He would call me once a week or email to let me know how my Fat Boy was progressing.
"Who am I going to find that will let me ride freestyle to INXS or Depeche Mode," I whined to him. Traditional dressage, Freestyle Kur, usually demands cheesy pop music that is played on a synthesizer or classical music. Ryan seemed to enjoy my weird collection of music and could choreograph tests that worked with more fun songs.
He assured me that I could use the tests that he designed for us and use them to just about any music. We talked for a couple minutes about Veritas. Before we hung up Ryan mentioned to me that I should find work with the horses down in South Carolina, for the winter.

"Bring the Boy. It would be good for you both."

I let out a heavy sigh. How many times have I been offered that? My answer is always the same.
"I have too much,here."

Ryan is 26 years old. He came here, from his native Australia, to work with a member of the USA Olympic Equestrian Team. He has his life and career in front of him. The fact that he is still in a position to chose what he wants is exhilarating. I felt a pang of jealousy. For my youth and for the days of not having responsibilities of a mortgage,a full-time job, pets, elderly parents. You know. Life.
When I woke this morning, I thought some more about my conversation with Ryan the night before. It occurred to me that Ryan never speaks to me like I am some old lady who he trains. He talks to me as someone he trains and also works with professionally. He has referred a lot of horses to me to massage. When he offered to get me employment in Aiken, I believe he really thought it was something I should or could do.
Every year I go through these same feelings. Most equestrians that show their horses in upper levels go south for the winter. Over the years, I have spent long weekends in the Carolinas, massaging and grooming horses for clients. They pay for my expenses and my fee and it would just about work out even. I never made a profit doing that. In fact, last time I ended up losing money and a car that needed major repairs upon returning. I vowed it was my last trip south for the winter. I think that was when I also decided I hated the Carolinas.
I often think back on my horse show days and the fun I had. There were parties and dalliances with the rich folk. The sad truth is, that unless you have money to start with, you don't make money working with horses. I have lived along the fringe, looking for the opportunity to slip in to a place where life seemed to be easier. Somehow, I never got my foot all the way in through the door. Looking back, I realize I missed a lot of opportunities staying back in the barns with the horses instead of working the social scene. My friend Brit, would often tell me that if I had worked more with my pussy than my hands, I would have gotten farther in life. Now that I am getting older, I am beginning to wonder if that cynical statement was correct. Lost opportunity? Regrets? How many times were things offered and I didn't know to take them? The funny thing is,I think I may actually not regret my choice of putting horses first. It may have saved me from even more heartache. Who knows?
I rarely talk to any of my old equestrian friends from my traveling days but I do think of them from time to time.

Tell me where are you driving
Midnight cruiser
Where is your bounty
Of fortune and fame
I am another
Gentlemen loser
Drive me to Harlem
Or somewhere the same *

Brit, now works full time as a carpenter. Horses are a side business. We speak maybe once or twice a year if he is in the area working with someones horses. Seems his life has landed him to a place that was always like mine. I had my responsible career that paid the bills and kept me from moving to some far off land, playing with horses all day. I think I mainly traveled for the pure energy and madness. Always in pursuit of finding a path anywhere but the one I traveled at home.
When we were younger, we both had those dreams of having equestrian careers, traveling the world with the rich and famous. Maybe we would even find fame and fortune on our own. He had almost gotten there a few times but Brit was unlucky with love and horses. Each time he was crushed both emotionally and financially. Of course, being British he would never let on that he was crushed but I could see each setback had left him a little more dead behind his eyes. Eventually, I settled down with a man and bought my home. Life on the road just didn't work anymore.

The world that we used to know
People tell me it don't turn no more
The places we used to go
Familiar faces that ain't smilin' like before
The time of our time has come and gone
I fear we been waiting too long *

Now that my life doesn't feel so secure, will the world that I used to know, ever turn again? Will those streets still unseen, I'll find somehow?
I called Ryan's cell phone while I was driving to work. I wished him luck with the winter show season and hoped to come see him compete in Kentucky this April. His reply was, "Maybe, you'll land yourself a wealthy Lexington guy, while you are there."
Spoken like a true 26 year old that is holding life by the balls. But, who knows? I may still find that unseen street, yet.

* lyrics from Midnight Cruiser, Steely Dan